Thursday, November 4, 2010

the blinded vision

I never thought i would encounter this day of my life. What looked seemingly possible that time looks herculean now. The reason is simple. Perhaps, I do not have the will power that i had before. I always wondered how I am going to confront this to my daughter. Why should she even know this? Does she really deserve this? Well, she is fine, happy. Won't i sabotage her happiness when i break the ice to her? It looked daunted. So, i decided to post it to our home address. Although we were separated by distance, we always shared the bond. Now, as i write this letter, i wonder, if i would ever give a justifiable answer and convince her.

Two most important life changing decisions that turned my life were; adopting her, and not telling her how the world looks like.

"
Dear you,

Hope you got my presents for your birthday. I am little busy with work, but I promise I will come and see you soon. I got your letter where you had sent your pictures and drawings. They look fabulous. Remember, you had always wanted to know, "how the world looks like, right?" I believe the day has come for you to know.

Honey, the world looks beautiful. There are so many things that you haven seen. All of us move in the vibrant colors that are cast up on us while you move in the dark. But, you know what, only you of all the kids, aren scared of the dark. Everyone is very surprised seeing you. Next summer, I will take you to the Olympics, and you can feel the spirit of people, which you always wanted to sense. But, I guess you should now know the truth, which for years I have not told you. I apologies for that.

You were born blind, I adopted you. Like other kids, you cannot see the deep blue ocean, thick green leaves, varied colored butterfly. But what you see is something not all of us would want to see, enjoy and live with it. And that is the dark. Most of us, including me are scared of it. We do not want to be in the dark. But you live with it and that is something I am proud of. Earlier, I told you, the world looks beautiful, but i do not think, you want to see any of it, for your world is much more beautiful than what it really is. I love you for what you are.

I do not want to sugar quote and put it in a way which might convince you but not my conscience. People generally call you as god's own kids. I do not believe in any such thing. That dude shows partiality. But what I do know is, he always has something in store for all of us and so for you too.

Believe in the strong spirited air, pouring rain and the sweet scented flowers for they are your world.

With love
Me
"

I re read the mail for the tenth time and tore it into pieces and just sent the chocolates and flowers to her. I did not have the will power to tell her even now. In life, confrontations are the most difficult choice a person has. She need not know, Life is not as sweet as the flower she smells or that it is not smooth as her flawless smooth skin, but how much ever life sucks or take you to and that it is not bed of roses, you can always smell the roses on your path, pluck few, gift to your loved ones and move on.
.
.
I see her picture. Those eyes, they really need not see this world.
:)